I have struggled for years between the desire to do something and the work it requires. I have convinced myself that I have not the time for it. The excuse du jour is that I have many children that require my attention, and while that may be true, it is nullified by the fact that when I had fewer children I did not write. Nor did I do so when I had none. I remember a homily given by my parish priest many years ago. In it he spoke about playing golf. He said he knew someone who loved to golf, who lived for it, but only did it twice a year. This priest asked the congregation, "If you call yourself a golfer, but only golf twice a year, are you really a golfer?"
This homily was given at Easter, and the priest was imparting to us the importance of going to Mass more than twice a year; however, I have thought about it often over the years, and have gleaned a wider meaning in it than the priest might have intended. Thus, as I originally asked myself, "Am I a Catholic if I only choose to worship in God's house twice a year?" I now also ask,
"Am I a Christian if I do not observe His commandments?"
Am I a good person if I do not produce good fruit?"
"Am I a writer if I only write twice a year? Or at all?"
To be honest, no.
I am not a writer, however much I desire to be, nor however many times I may call myself one. I am not a writer, because I do not write.
So, this is me, writing.
I am committing to it, which means I am swallowing my pride and allowing this to be seen by others who will most likely judge my grammar, my spelling, many typos, and, most frightening of all, my heart.
I am simply going to write and let it be what it is, no matter what the consequences.
In an act of sheer bravery (or stupidity), I invite you to judge my words. You read that correctly.
Correct me. Keep me accountable. If I do not write in a couple of days, call me on it. Not because I think my words are so wonderful you cannot live without them, but because I need your help. As an introvert, I tend to become a hermit and lose contact with the world. I retreat within myself and I need help to come out. I cannot promise to respond here. I will not show corrections on my blog, but I will make notes, journal your suggestions, and thus, hopefully, improve my reasoning and my writing.
In return, I shall pray for you. Please, let me know if there is something specific you would like for me to pray about.